just me

Im listening to Blur on Spotify, just played tender, beautiful song, thought id share

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaHrqKKFnSA

Damon Albarn has the most georgous eyes, hes a vegan as well, HOT!

So, what joyful little ditty is embracing you lugholes this affternoon?

.... and outsides of your houses, gardens, roof tops and windows with tacky bright flashy cheap objects reminding everyone...

.... ITS CHRIIIIIISSSSSSSSTMAAAAAASSSSSSSS!

What is it about lower working class areas that this time of year makes everyones colour co-ordination, taste, class and creativity turn into something that resembles a well lit fly tipping dump.

Some of the houses in certain bits of this area i live in have had their christmas decs up for a few weeks now. We have gigantic inflatable snowmen tied down with string to stop them flying down the hills in the wind storms, we have window lights done up like one of those dodgy dj's decks who get people up at weddings and 60th birthday celebrations to do the birdy song OMG rope lighting ewwww!

The plastic industry must make a fortune this time of year with the amount of plastic trees, plastic misteltoe, plastic holly, plastic christmas plants, plastic baubles, plastic toys, plastic lights even plastic plastic things.

And why do they insist on musical things that play music box frosty the snowman or jingle bells, omg i hate jingle bells, has to be the worst ever christmas tune in the world.

Please people if you must dec up this time of year, at least wait till closer to the actual date of the birth of your massiah and please please please remember less is more and do try to colour co-ordinate, it hurts my eyes.

But most of all, please turn it off when everyone has gone to bed and honestly there is no need to switch so many lights on during daylight. If you really want to do something for the children, think of their future on this planet and SAVE ENERGY PLEASE.

the dodgy neighbours from next door.

On Monday as Hannah and i were on our way to ceramics, we noticed a van loading up boxes. It was only a small van so it didnt occur to me they might be leaving.

Anyway, iv not heard the yappy dogs all week, iv not heard him shouting and ranting, not even heard their tv on.

The trampoline in his garden which he used to put his dogs on is gone and it even looks like they have cleared some rubbish from the patio.

Wierd though as they only put their xmas tree up 2 weeks ago and i think they have left a light on in the house.

Its very peacefull, will it last i wonder.

about moving to the Midlands, yesterday i was sure it was right, but last night wierd dreams telling me otherwise, this morning when i came out of the bathroom a map of Devon left outside the door (i must add that this map was in my suitcase from last July and id not seen it out since then), today i had the urge to read a letter my friend sent to me, he passed away last year. I was looking for a stamp and just put my hand on the letter he wrote for me which i recieved after he passed on. Although i cant reveal all the details of the letter he did mention he had come to feel the sea to be his guide and then how he would always be watching over me. If the sea is his guide i need to stay near to that sea for him to be able to watch over me still.

Final straw was my Mum telling me she refused to be a guarantor for me when i told her i had found a house near her in the midlands. Her reply was 'no i aint doin it cause im just a poor pensioner and i dont want a mad rent man walking in and tekin me furniture and belongings if you dont pay ya rent'. Iv no idea where she gets this idea from and feel so sad she has such low expectations of me that i would do such a thing, i have perfect credit check apart from not being in full time work right now, no debts to my name at all, iv no idea why she has said this when she told me she would help me all she can.

Confused, tired, saddened and desperate to find a way out of this place.

The song my daughter did for her schools got talent auditions today

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Qen3Xovtfc

And no, not that dreadful wailing Leona whatsit version but the real version by snow patrol, the one sang with passion and love not a silly talentless warbling advert for claires accesories meets new look trying to look like BeyonceBum.

She sang the verses and played her recorder for the chorus, she worked out the notes all by herself.

Iv been in bits every time she practised it as it has special meaning to me for a very dear friend of mine who passed away last year.

"To think i might not see those eyes,
makes it so hard not to cry.
And as we say our long goodbyes,
i nearly do"

A friend passed this on to me today, thought id share here

http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/medmatters/

Lets start a positive sentence of the day. What made you feel good today, what made you smile, what did you achieve no matter how big or small, what do you like about today?

Add more than one sentence if you wish, ill start with

1. I took my new coat for a walk today, it felt nice and warm and i felt bright and looked good.

2. I had an email from a friend which made me smile

3. My daughter was practising her song for her schools got talent auditions today, we both sang at breakfast this morning and she is so positive that she will do well. Its a beautiful song she has chosen too.

Your turn.

Time to move to a place im guaranteed a job, not have to live in fear of discrimination for being English, have family nearby, be in a place where i know people, not have the ex living on my doorstep and have the opportunity to get my life back, maybe do some evening classes even be allowed to go out on a date or a night out with friends knowing my kids are with their grandmother. Ok we dont get on that well but shes the only family the kids and i have, they need some family other than me in their lives and i think they quite like the fact she spoils them with sweets, new clothes etc when she sees them.

I will be in a position where i can go back to work for the agency i used to work for till something permanant comes up, who knows, last time i worked for them i was offered permanant work at two places i did cover at. This will enable us to go on holidays, have a few nice things in our lives again and maybe my confidence will come back, i could be the person i used to enjoy being again even. Mountain views are pretty, living near the sea is nice but it dont pay the rent or get you any friends round these parts.

Going back to my little concrete island as soon as i can.

never fails to shock me.

Last night in ceramics a few of us were working round the table with the tutor, chatting away when one of the ladies referred to a black person as a wog (the class is all white and Welsh except for me and Hannah). The tutor almost choked and said 'you cant say that', i nearly dropped my pot on the floor in shock, its not a word iv heard since the 70's.

Anyway the conversation turned to one of those 'well if they are coming to our country they should expect us to treat them differently' (this is a group of ladies between the ages of 25ish to 60 plusish by the way). It then moved on to how disgraceful it is that councils and schools throughout the uk have to go out of their way to accept these (sorry but im quoting these so called ladies and i am cringing as i type it) wogs and pakies.

Me being me i couldnt keep my big gob shut even though i was shaking inside and knew i was in for it from this little narrow minded mob. I told them how sad i was that my children do nothing since we moved to Wales to mark Eid, deafening silence fell upon the group. One lady piped up EID! WHAZZZTHATHEN! The tutor explained to her that it was a Muslim festival OMG that did it, a lady from the other side of the room who is in her 60's ish came charging across the room shouting "when in Rome! when in Rome" and waving her spatula in anger. The lady next to me who is probably in her late 20's started spouting off how she wouldnt want her daughter going to school with them as it might be a bad influence on her daughters beliefs and how she wouldnt want her daughter mixing with 'OTHERS'.

Keeping calm i went on to describe with Hannah the lovely Eid parties we used to go to in Cannon Hill Park, the dancing, the costumes and the food. "EXCUSE ME" came a voice from the other side of the room, "this is a Christian country and they should respect that, not go having parties in public places to celebrate what isnt Christian". Here here yeah yeah were mumbles in acceptance to this lady's comments. The tutor was looking a little nervous i must add. He piped in saying how RE teaches children about all cultures, 'not mine' said i EIKS! One lady shouted "you mean your not Christian". Another wanted to know what my daughter and i were. The tutor tried to make a joke and said oh its ok shes part of a black magic cult. In reply to their demands to know what my daughter and i were, i replied Pagan. The older lady the other side of the room reminded me i was in a Christian country now and demanded to know what God i pray to. I told her we have many, Goddess too, waving her spatula some more and wobbling her fat face at me repeating 'this is a Christian country', i calmly reminded her that before conversion this country and many others were Pagan.

Oh ek! She didnt like it at all.

The tutor tried to carry on the conversation of religion in schools and how in the last few years the secondary school he works in have stopped worship in assembly and he thought it was a positive step. The older lady must have felt like chucking her pot at him, she was clearly offended. The younger one said she would insist her daughter was worshiping, praying and singing hymns in assembly or she would kick up a fuss by the time she started her in school. She was looking at me ranting how its our type that stop traditions continuing, bring the country down, enforce our views on others blah blah blah.

Only one lady seemed to agree with me and the tutor though she seemed scared to speak up. I had the final say, told them where i come from this conversation wouldnt even be happening as living in a multi cultural society only opens ones minds, makes them more accepting of the world around them, allows for learning about others making this huge world a little smaller and more friendly to live in. The lady next to me added "anyone see Dr Who last night".

Lets just say not many of them were speaking to me by the end of the evening even though i was chatting away, making nice comments about their work to break the ice. A little group of them stood in the corner with the tutor as Hannah and i left, usualy we all walk out together chatting.

Will be interesting to see if my pots are still in one piece next Monday.

Help, im not a Christian, get me out of here!

Goodbye boring old black raincoat and grubby old bag

Hello new bright, fluffy coat and posh handbag

Its the flying purple people eater

and taken from behind, ooooooh you are so durrrrrty

and finaly, do you think the local hoody gang will let me join?

Also got me some cheap and cheerful flat black boots with fluffy lining cause i really hate cold feet and my other pair have heals i cant walk far in.

Just need somewhere nice to go now.

This term in ceramics i made a vase with spiky leaves which im thinking of glazing all over metalic black (thinking about that one), a plate from 3 types of different textured and coloured clay which im rather pleased with, a jug with holes cut in it so i can grow plants out of (not to pleased with the jug, looks a bit wonkey) and a large bowl with spiral patterns from different textured and coloured clay which i think has to be my best creation yet.

Last night i left them at the class to be put in the kiln today, next week they will be glazed then kilned again before i can bring them all home.

Watch this space for pics.